October 21st 2003

Alright.. here are the facts:
I can't make music at the moment because my computer sucks.
First he makes a lot of error messages while trying to play an arrangement in my music program. There are three different errors, all have to do something with MIDI, synchronisation and sample rate.
Second: I got my Geforce 1 back and it makes interesting sounds, coming from the cooler. Funny story: I sold my Geforce a few years ago to a friend who gave the card to the brother of my girlfriend (who I didn't know at this time). Then he gave it to my girlfriend and now it belongs to me again.
Third: Chaos. There's such a chaos on my harddrives and in my room. It's kinda blocking my creativity..
Fourth: (this has got nothing to do with my computer) I don't know what to do. Well, I know what to do, but I don't know where to start.

I want to finish Personal Halfquake. Yes, a final version. To do this I have a few things to accomplish:
a) A common enemy. There is a general threat to all institutes and everyone must team up to avoid the threat. This includes investigating, hacking and attacking with your chosen victim, spy slaves and all other creatures available on the black market. This should be really difficult to make because of the artificial intelligence of the enemy.
b) One or two new modes for Heal The Dragon. A deathmatch and an advanced healing game, in which the team wins which gathers the most plague spots (and heals them).
c) A new experience system, a new contract and slaves system.. which should also be very hard to implement.
d) A new chapter, a final chapter..

I also want to end the Halfquake Amen comic. I have a lot of ideas but again it gets destroyed due to a lack of time.

Then I want to finish my new song (at the moment it's called "Critical Beauty", like critical error..). But I need a new computer to do so. In the fall of November I'll have enough money to buy a new one. And maybe in the meantime I'll tidy up my goddamn room.

Next is a page called Untopia. Darrn, chappi and I want to make a website for the new money system and to show the failures of the current system. It would be hard to create because it's a huge project. But I guess I should just start it and then just finish it and stop thinking about the size. Size doesn't matter. I've learnt that during the making of Halfquake Amen. If you really want to do something - you can do it.

The next thing in my head is rather difficult to explain. I want to do art. When I see the red and orange leaves out there, surrounded by fog and frost I want to buy a digital camera and shoot photos and make some kinda a webpage for them. A gallery, or even a story.. I also think about the next Halfquake, really. At the moment it's called "Halfquake Sunrise". It won't be about sadism anymore, but about art. Visual and acoustic art. I've had dreams again about a black and white world, as I had before Halfquake Amen. I guess a new Halfquake will come. And it's going to disappoint you all. Because I've changed and I bet you won't like it.

In conclusion I must say that I need a new room. Kinda like the nothing-studios. This is really amazing. If you look at the pictures you want to be there. On the walls lies the breath of creativity, the air seems to say: "Come, come! Create something! CREATE!"
When I look at my room all I see is: "Come, come! Clean me! CLEAN!". And when I look at it again my head answers: "No, I'm too tired, too lazy and I've got no money and no time. Get lost."