July 08th 2003

Once again I've overslept, I didn't hear my mobile phone when the alarm went on. I've slept with the small light on, which is above my bed, because I was afraid that insects could come in the darkness and slit my stomache, pick my eyes out or do things I couldn't even imagine. I've killed a spider before I went to bed, I tried to smash it, but I decided to use a vacuum cleaner instead. After I've killed the spider I felt guilty, and I saw black dots in all corners, screaming "YOU KILLED OUR FRIEND! WE WILL KILL YOU WHEN YOU'RE ASLEEP!".
I woke up at 6 am, noticed that I was still alive, thankfully, and the light was still on, and the sun started to shine on this side of the world. I turned off the light and fell asleep again. For the last hour.
Friends tell me about their problems. Probems with other human beings, they get no attention, or they get negative attention, like playing jokes on someone for just being individual, for just drawing oblisks made of bones and skulls.
We aren't accepted, we aren't supported, we aren't alive. We're dead, we need psychiatrists, we need cliques, we need outer values, we need idols, we need new girl/boyfriends every week. We are dirt. We are nothing.
Just because of being individual.
Shouldn't there be a support, a present for creative and individual thoughts? People should be judged because of their inner values, people should work on their inner values.
Most of those non-individualists are just jealous because they can't think of their own worlds, they can't be creative, so they destroy individualism, because they can't handle it. This is what we should think when we deal with such persons.
They're those people with stones and sticks. We're those people with pencils and visions.
They're the present. We're the future.
They're dead, we're alive.