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May 05th 2004

Near the end of Halfquake Amen I was quite busy. I worked about 5 hours from Monday to Thursday (20 hours a week), most of the time staying awake until 2 am.

I guess, I'm reaching that limit again. I go to bed at 2 am, after I had worked for about 5-7 hours. You wonder if I have a life? Well, I do. A screwed up one. Things are going to fall apart, actually. I still don't know what my purpose in real life is. I still find people, telling me how unnatural it is not to go outside for a while, to have unnatural white skin and dark rings beneath my eyes. Or: "Why do you always wear black clothes?"
And who cares? If I am outside I wonder what people are doing there. They're doing NOTHING. They're just hanging around, drinking, smoking, or meeting with friends for senseless discussions. It's pointless. And if they ask me what my point in my life is, then I answer, I've got a greater point than them. At least, I create something. Even if it's worthless for them, it means a lot to me. I don't want to waste my life by doing nothing. I want to waste my life by creating. And you know, life goes by faster when you're working on something. I guess I know how I'll meet death: By working too much.

May 01st 2004

Ack, I deleted the latest news post.. well, again, if you want me to notify you when HQS gets released send me an email.

Also, the farm is the new host of WeAreDragons because their server has deleted their account.

Stay dead.

April 26th 2004

I'm proud to announce that The Farm has a new member: Makaber. He'll be responsible for some models in Halfquake Sunrise. Welcome onboard!

Also, in art related news, click here to experience Chewbacca's world of innovative wallpapers.

April 18th 2004

Another fan art from Werewolf I forgot to add recently.

Despite my depressive talking recently I updated PHQ again. I guess I was just really, really tired this day and a little bit frustrated. Well, just wanted to note that.

Enjoy life and stay dead.

April 16th 2004

Well, I did it again. I updated PHQ. Yes, I guess I'm addicted to it, a workaholic, I'm addicted to positive criticism, I'm addicted to attention. I'm addicted to my minority complex. Sounds like fun? It isn't. Everything you do has to be absolutely perfect. So, maybe perfectionists are just children with minority complexes. I'm a child. Everyone's just a child. We never grow up. We never leave our dreams behind. We just realize that most of our dreams we had aren't possible in this world. We realize that existence must be a sadistic joke. We realize that life is not meant to last forever. We realize that people can die actually. We realize that our hands, our youthful skins and bones and bodies will be buried one time, buried or burnt. And forgotten. We realize that everything we do and even though we're trying so hard to leave a mark on this planet - in the end we'll be forgotten, we'll be just a senseless blood stain in someone's endless book.

The more we realize the truth the more we wish it was a lie.

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